Sometimes, I weigh a lot. Now is one of those times. Normally, I'm OK with this because I support and identify with women of all shapes and sizes. But lately, I'm less OK with this because I'm not active anymore, and I'm putting really bad shit into my body on a regular basis.
People, I am eating my feelings like NOBODY'S BUSINESS, and they haven't been very good feelings lately, so it has been very, very bad (but oh so delicious) food.
Balance is good. Binging is bad. Starving is worse. So where do I draw that healthy line when it comes to what I eat?
This is my inner turmoil:
Me: I really should start eating healthier food.
My Legs: Yeah, I agree. It's a getting a little Jell-O-like down here.
My Mind: MmmmMMmmm, Jell-O.
Me: You guys, I just don't know if I can commit to a diet.
My Mind: Don't call it a "diet" - call it a "lifestyle change." That is the new phrase for diet.
My Legs: It's supposed to be about, like, changing how you live for the better through what you eat.
Me: That still sounds like a diet.
My Legs: OK then, Negative Nancy, way to poop on this party. You're not the one suffering, you know! How would you like to be squeezed into the strait jackets you call PANTS every day?
My Mind: That's harsh.
Me: I GET IT. I eat a lot of cookies and don't do a lot of running, and I see what this is doing to all of us.
My Mind: Speaking of running, you're not very good at that either.
Me: I'm serious. I want to be healthier!
My Legs: Then things are going to have to change. Like, big time. You and I will need to get close and work together.
Me: Um, how close?
My Legs: Super close. I need to be your best friend every day. You need to take me out on hikes and stuff.
My Mind: HELLO? What about ME? I'm the cognitive center of MIND POWER over here. You can't leave me out!
My Legs: You'll come with us too. You need to convince her to go outside.
Me: Ick! I hate being outdoors.
My Legs: See what I mean?
My Mind: Being outside is not that horrible, except for the daily rain, sleet, snow, and/or hail. Oh, and that wind! It's awful.
My Legs: ......you're really not helping.
Me: Forget the outdoors for now. We'll worry about that when the weather finally perks up.
My Mind: Hahahahaha, that won't happen any time soon. We're in Washington.
Me: Whatever. Let's focus on what I should be eating.
My Legs: How about what you SHOULDN'T be eating? Those cookies and pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream ring a bell.
My Mind: Don't hate on my BRAIN FOOD!
My Legs: You are NOT any smarter with all of those sugary calories!
My Mind: How would you know?! Your piece of the nervous system is NOTHING compared to my labyrinth.
Me: I guess I should stop eating those things, and maybe lay off the pasta, bread, and potatos for awhile too.
My Mind: NoooOOOoOoOOOoOOoOOooooo!
My Legs: Yeah, that's the spirit! Now let's get some fruit, vegetables, and lean meat up in the kitchen!
My Mind: NoOooOoOOOOooOOoOOoOOoo!
Me: Yeah, OK! Let's do this! I can make those changes. It shouldn't be too hard to start eating those things.
My Mind: You won't make it! You don't understand! WE LOVE COOKIES!
Me: We need to LOVE OTHER FOOD!
My Mind: ....stop yelling at me....this is really hard to handle....I can't process all of these changes...
My Legs: You're super pathetic right now. Don't you want to live longer?
My Mind: Sure, but but but but but but but but can't we have one last cookie? Or bowl of spaghetti? Like as a goodbye?
Me: That's not a bad idea.
My Legs: NO! We need to start eating well NOW or else it will never happen!
Me: But if it's our last meal eating like that....we should make the most of it...
My Mind: And we can start eating better any time....like tomorrow.
My Legs: NO!!!! You guys are so - wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Put the Oreo down NOW!
My Mind: She already touched it, she might as well eat it!
Me: Mmmmm, creme filling....chocolate biscuit goodness....om nom nom nom.
My Mind: Mmmmm, sugar high....spike in energy.....om nom nom nom.
Me: This is the best cookie I've ever had.
My Legs:.........................can you at least start wearing bigger pants for me?